Dilshad 0:02

Welcome to the Delicious Dignity Podcast. Let's settle in securely and ever so nicely into the brilliance of our own dignity. Hello, my lovelies. This is part two of a three-part series on networking, community, relationship building series with Giel. And uh this episode is really special because this is where we get down and dirty. We get gritty with the tips and tricks that we have for you, with the exact things you could say or do to connect with a stranger or to network with people, no matter what setting you're in. And I'm really glad that we did this in this episode. It happened naturally. We both didn't plan for it. We start talking about the role of AI and how AI has impacted networking and connections and relationships. And I'm so excited to share our perspectives with you. Let's go to the episode. I wonder then, I just explain like my little top tip for networking and doing it on behalf of someone else. I wonder if you have a formula, a starting place, some tips, some advice about networking or connecting, mindset shifts, even that you could share with people.

Jheel 1:19

Yeah. I'm just gonna talk because I don't know if I really have a formula. I know what I do. So, like I shared earlier, I am an introvert. And in all honesty, when it comes to just the true sense of networking, the way we define it today, it is extremely draining for me mentally and emotionally when I have to just go out and spend hours at it. I usually tend to spend an hour or so by myself before I go into those events or those just like community kind of spaces. I calm myself, I prep myself, I listen to music that is calming. I just close my eyes and I spend a little bit of time with myself. Whatever kind of calms you is the idea, right? And just tell yourself that you're ready to do this for the next couple hours. I don't go in with any expectations, really, because I think when I go in with expectations and it doesn't go my way, it's usually even more frustrating. So don't go in with expectations. And it's actually beautiful to not go in with expectations because when something happens, it's like you come back with more energy than being trained. So just don't have expectations, just go in, be yourself, stay uncomfortable. Nobody, I promise you, there is nobody in that room that is comfortable in that situation. Nobody is enjoying that process, but everyone somewhere is hoping to find that one connection that they hope to take back with them. So just go ahead and do it. Start a conversation. One thing, one tip, yes, doing the networking. Listen. Please listen. Don't check out, be present in the moment. Do not check out.

Dilshad 3:04

And I just say I can see it in people's eyes when they check out. Right? They just check out of the conversation. And I'm like, I understand people have ADHD and all these things, and I understand, but you can see it in their eyes when they check out, and it makes you want to shut down. That's when it feels like rejection.

Jheel 3:21

It's that, oh, I just got rejected. Again, you can't control somebody else doing that. So in that situation, if that happens to you, just know it's not you. It's probably something else. It just wasn't meant to be. Move on to the next person and next connection. But really listen to what that person is saying and try and have a conversation around that. Because when you're really listening to somebody talk, right? About at some point, if you break through your okay, another tip. I don't talk about work when I do networking at work. I don't like it. I already know when you're going in to these networking events, half the time I know what that person's doing. Why would I come up to you and be like, hey, I am Giel. I do this. What do you do? To me, it sounds fake. It's just dumb in my own head. So I don't start with those questions. Try and find a more personal approach to it. Ask them, hey, are you enjoying the conference? If it's a conference, what did you think about that session? Did you attend that session? Yes, technically it's still work-related, but it's not about their work. Don't make it obvious about it. And then I very quickly try to find something that is a little bit more personal because I'm not going in with an ask. I am going in trying to make a real connection with this person, whether it leads to something or not. And then take down their names, especially the conferences, please take it down, take down the contact information, especially if you had an incredible connection and you want to follow up. Make sure you I take pictures of people's badges because I tend to lose cards by the time I get home. So I just, you're not going to lose your phone, hopefully. So just take pictures of the badges if that helps. And then the last tip: put in the time and effort. It's not, oh, we met and great, we're best friends. It doesn't work like that. Think about all the other relationships in your life. It didn't work like that with your partner, your parents, anyone in your family, your friends. You all put in equal amount of time and effort into that relationship. It is nothing different even when it comes to work or otherwise. Schedule the follow-up that you talked about. Not once, maybe just be next time you guys talk. If you're like, yeah, this sounds like a great connection to have. Hey, do you want to put like a monthly call on our calendars? Schedule it. If you can't make it, that's fine. Just let that person know, hey, I am unfortunately tied up with this. Can we push it out? But initially, don't do it all the time either. You don't have that kind of relationship yet. Initially, you put in the effort until you get to a point of like comfort with each other where it's, oh, hey, I really need to push it out. And if that happens back to back a few times, we would understand. But initially, I show up, you put that call in the schedule, show up, don't be flaky. It's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. It's when people are flaky initially. They are those that's how I look at it. That's what I do when I network.

Dilshad 6:35

So as you're talking, I'm writing down notes because so many things reminded me of what you're saying. So that's why I'm looking at my phone right now, just writing. So one of the things I remember both of us doing at solid networking events is we ate a lot because I think we were so drained and it required so much effort from us. We would eat a lot. I unfortunately would have a lot of caffeine. Now I realize that was probably not the best idea. But we would eat a lot. So eat, sleep, be rested. Don't be cranky because it'll come out. You won't mean to be rude or you won't mean to be cranky. If you just eat and sleep and just make sure you're well rested when you're initiating that first contact with someone. For me, actually, that's from what you were saying, that's another tip I would recommend, especially if it's like one of these big events and you're not just talking to somebody one-on-one. And if you are an introvert, though, if you're very introverted, even talking one-on-one, you would need to probably eat a burrito before you go talk to someone.

Jheel 7:36

Yeah. Eat before the events start, way before, because I know I actually tend to lose my appetite completely. When I am even at like big dinner tables, like I can't think Vilsha knows the amount of food I can eat. It is quite scary. But when I am put in those big groups, I barely get through like a few bites because my mind is just so preoccupied that I can't get myself to eat. So a lot of times I would also eat ahead of time or have a plan to go back to your room if you're at a big event like that and just go back home, go back to your room wherever you're going and have a meal ready for yourself to eat. Wear comfortable shoes. Yeah, especially women like, oh my God, I love clothes, I love fashion, but dear lord, wear comfortable shoes. Where honestly, wear something that you feel confident and that makes you feel good about yourself too. Because when you feel good about yourself, you present yourself a certain way. Do it for yourself, not for others. It's really everything, it's genuinely just for yourself.

Dilshad 8:40

Yeah, feeling good about yourself is a really good tip because if you don't feel good about yourself, that comes through. And then you're instructing people to not feel good about you. It really carries through because if you're nervous or anxious, you make an already anxious person even more anxious. And it's just feeling good could mean resting, it could be wearing good shoes, it could just be dressing well, just feeling yourself. And I think that comes through. People want to be around confident people, competent people who like themselves, because we've been around people who hate themselves and it's really bad. They can really drag you down and sometimes ruin your life. Yeah. I think that's really good. Feeling about yourself and networking is a really good tip. I think also the quickest way, at least for me, to have somebody leave my network is when they flake. I think it's about respect at that point.

Jheel 9:28

Absolutely. Nobody's time is free. If somebody is saying, hey, I'm gonna carve out this time just to sit down with you and have this conversation. Respect that. Respect your own time and respect that person's time as well, because both of you could be doing something else in that time, but you've decided to carve that for each other. And that's why I said be present, whether it's in a huge group or if it's one-on-one, genuinely be present in those moments when you're meeting that person, because there's only so much time that we have in a day. And you're taking it out for somebody.

Dilshad 10:08

Yeah, and that leads me to my next question, which is what are some trends that you've noticed now with networking? But before we go there, you reminded me of one other tip. Is my favorite way recently that I've found to network is to give people a compliment, a sincere compliment. For example, there is a woman here in Sedona that I really respect her craft and what she's doing. She has these, let's just say she has a few establishments and I really respect them and I always say thank you. I really like how you blank because it helped me blank. That usually is a good formula for like sincerely complimenting someone. Or I really like how you did this, it inspired me to blank. I really like this that you wore or that you did because it meant blank. It shows exactly what you admire and exactly why and how it benefited you. And people are not complimented enough. In the world, they're not complimented, they're not encouraged enough. And so many of us don't know what we're good at because we don't have people complimenting us or showing us that, hey, this is something that you do really well, and I'd like to see more of that in the world.

Jheel 11:21

So true, actually. Now that you say it, my head's going in so many places. I think criticism is easily given, but actually uplifting somebody for what they do really well is rare. If you're in the position to be able to uplift somebody, do it. A lot of times, even something as simple as like walking down the street. If you see somebody, you're like, wow, I really love what she's wearing, just shout it out. You might just make somebody's day. Again, it's not just about whether you have ever even seen that person again or not, but that one little compliment might change somebody's day. It is actually a really good formula for a conversation starter. Hey, I saw you did X, Y, and Z thing, and it's interesting to me for this reason. I would love to hear more about it. Also, don't let your conversations die. That's how you listen. Don't let your conversations die. Just listen to the conversation and see where it takes you. Look out for those body languages as well. You'll know. You'll have that gut feeling. Oh, I think I need to wrap it up. Yeah. Wrap it up and bow out of that conversation when and if you can.

Dilshad 12:33

Yeah, I that also leads us to that question, which is what are some trends you're seeing and how people have been connecting now versus before and connecting over the years? Because one of the things that you mentioned is flakiness. And I have seen that trend skyrocket, especially in the last few years. And people are talking about how it's about self-care and having good boundaries, and therefore they're being flaky because commitments aren't important to them and because they're taking care of their personal health, or whatever excuses people use, I feel like we have a loss of respect that maybe wasn't as big 10 years ago, but it's definitely much less than it was before. And that's something I've seen as a trend. And I've also seen the rise in criticism, so much negativity and criticism that it's affected me too. So when I go and compliment someone, what that tells my brain is, oh my God, this is what I love. And I need to love what I love. That's why I have that series within the podcast LLS Love Liberation series, because it's all about loving what you love, so that you train your brain to not be so highly critical and highly pokey at people because people can feel that, and that's not good networking juju. So, what are trends that you've seen? Oh, wow, I agree.

Jheel 13:52

I think the flakiness, at least I've seen an increase in my experience. It is very frustrating. I understand boundaries, and I think that we can have a whole podcast about that, especially coming from the community we come from, right? Setting boundaries is extremely important, and there's no reason you shouldn't do that. But again, it's about respect. It's about understanding that you're both putting that time in. Don't be that flaky person. Nobody likes it. It's not gonna last long for you. It's gonna be very difficult over time to create that network because, like I said, we're all connected. Somebody's gonna know something and somebody's gonna have something to say about it and be like, oh yeah, that person was very flaky with me. Hopefully, it doesn't go that way. You don't want that circle to complete at any point. I think people are also just not networking. I think over the last couple of years, everyone's just found their own little bubble to live in, and people are just very comfortable in that situation. I get it. Look, I work from home. I don't really go into the office. I do travel for work, but it's very easy to just stay at home and be in your little bubble with your own people and never go out. But it's also not gonna let you grow. The only time you really grow, at least for me, is when you're in those uncomfortable situations. The more you put yourself in those uncomfortable situations in life, the more you're gonna break certain boundaries in your life that are meant to be broken so that you gain more experience, you become a better person, you grow your network. It's the only way to do it. Find time in your week, which is just yours. Don't compromise that if you don't need to. But then also find time to do other things. I recently went to a huge networking event, and it was really interesting because I brought in somebody from my network who actually is like one of those like high-ranking people within that world. And I remember having a four-hour conversation with this individual, and it was amazing. And that was also because we'd known each other over the years, but then I sat down on a table with several people that I knew, and not one person jumped up to make that connection, which was absolutely bizarre to me. And I remember coming out of that and I was like, what just happened? How do you not even try to make that connection? Is beyond me. They were just so comfortable later. Like, I asked a few of them, like, why are you not? Because what I found out is they weren't talking to anybody. Forget this person, like they weren't really out there to network. And they were just very comfortable being amongst each other. And they're like, we don't really see the point of it. We don't really want to do it. It's just a comfort again, like it came back to the comfort thing. But then they're like, Why do you know so many people? And I was like, Well, I broke out of that comfort. I have gotten to know people over time, and that's why I know so many people that we're walking through right now. I think that's definitely a big trend that I'm seeing. People are just very comfortable being in their own space and not wanting to go out. You mentioned the AI earlier, right? So it's a debate, it's a very interesting conversation, and I know a lot of people have a lot of thoughts around it, but almost being in that industry today, we are seeing a lot of things being automated. There is nothing that will ever change the human connection, no matter how much life gets automated. You can stay at home all you want. There will be a point where you're gonna want to make that connection with people. So remember that feeling, carry that feeling as a flame inside you and take it forward. Trust me, there's nothing that changes that connection.

Dilshad 18:03

It's really sad right now because a lot of people are doing therapy with AI, and a lot of people are making friends with AI and bonding with the AI emotionally. I feel like that will only go so far. And after a certain point, you will find yourself right back with the human basics, which is connection and relationship. For a while, it might work, it might put a bomb on your wounds. I literally had a very popular person online, and she has a business and she's popular. And I explained to her one day, I was like, I'm really not finding connections. I've spoken to you about this too. I'm not finding my equals, I'm not finding just people to connect with. Forget having a boyfriend, just friends with women. I'm finding it really difficult. And she was like, you know what? People are just checked out, they're just doing their own thing. Most people are not at your level. So, you know what? Go talk to AI. That was her solution. And on one level, I could understand where she was coming from because she also felt so unmet by the world, rejected by the world in some ways. And just that's where the wounding is. AI knows everything, it has all these solutions, it has all of these things it's really good at, everything from grammar to mirroring social behavior. It's tempting. While I have respect for the way AI functions in terms of its genius with how it's constructed, not so much with other things, but the fact that this is now a solution that is actually a solution that's being offered. It's not just scary. People have lost the plot. And we're gonna come right back around. If you notice, like everything that was popular a few years ago and then became unpopular, we're going right back around to it. We keep going back to the same thing, which is connection, relationship. And those people that sat on the table with you, I can almost see them. That deadpan face expression, the kind of checked-outness, the being quiet. But it's actually social anxiety at that point. It's not even introversion.

Jheel 20:07

It's true because it's not like they all came from one generation. There were like so many different generations sitting on that table, right? And that's why I think I walked out of that experience baffled. But I think you're right. It's the social anxiety, and that's another reason why people don't want to take the opportunities to network. Use AI to find those conversation starters.

Dilshad 20:29

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what you could use. Yeah, you can use AI for that. That's true.

Jheel 20:33

Don't make AI your best friend. I understand why that happens. I have so many mixed feelings about it because I love that people are reaching out to AI for therapy. The fact that they're even reaching out for that help is an incredible step. But again, no matter how good AI gets, and who knows, I'm making assumptions, but right now at this stage in life, it cannot be what a human connection can be for you. I'll share another story. Yeah. When I got let go, I was like, oh, I have all this time. And also just a year before that, we just moved from Texas to Virginia. So I had also been trying to build a network here. We literally have nobody except my husband and I are it. We don't know anyone except people from his work. So I was trying to constantly find ways to make friends and to build certain kind of community around us. And it has been very difficult to do that. I could have very easily stopped to try, but when I actually got that time between being let go and finding a new role, I remember I got on Bumble PFF and I met with 20 women back to back in less than a week.

Dilshad 21:53

I remember this. Yes.

Jheel 21:56

I have never done anything like that, okay? Because I've never had that kind of a chunk of time. But it was draining. Let's be real. It was extremely draining for me. And at one point I was like, what is wrong with me? Why am I putting myself through this? But out of that, think about it, I met 20 women, and they a lot of them were very interesting and really beautiful people. I only made one friend out of that. Out of 20 women, only one person followed back up with me. And it wasn't just she followed up, and that's why I responded. I followed up with people too. And no, that was just like it just felt flat. But I met one person, I've known her for a little over a year now. And I already know that's a friend for life. That has not happened with me in over a decade where I found somebody like that. But if I hadn't taken that time out to meet 20 people, I wouldn't have Miriam in my life today.

Dilshad 22:56

I'm curious though, when you look back now, I we all know hindsight is 20-20, but when you look back now, how could you have met less people and found her anyway? Was there a sign that you ignored with these people? Or was there something they said or did and you could have just avoided meeting them entirely or wasting energy following up now that you know what you know about connecting with people? Or is it always a numbers game? Do you always have to meet many people and then there's just one? Is there some way we can be more efficient with our energy, according to you?

Jheel 23:31

I think you need to find out first what works for you. I don't connect well on social media, texting kind of things. So I actually never got on bumble myself. My sister-in-law, when she found out we were moving, she's giving me her phone. Um she's the one who made my profile until it is the same profile. But what I knew was if I make the initial effort and ask, hey, I don't make friends very easily like this. Are you up for a cup of coffee? If that person says yes, I was willing to give that person a chance because I am much better one-on-one in person with people. Texting feels very weird to me. You can't read the tone of somebody's voice. You can't always tell what exactly they meant by those words. So there's a lot of assumption that goes into it for me. So I was like, you know what, let's just meet in person. I feel like when you meet in person, you can very quickly tell if this is gonna spark or not. And there were times where I was like, I think there's a little spark here, we'll see if it goes somewhere. And unfortunately, they didn't really pan out. But again, to me, it's just taking the chance. Whether it's a numbers game or not, I don't know. But if you're not gonna try, you're never gonna know. It's really funny because Miriam and I still talk about this today, that we were both each other's last person that we met on Bumble ever since we met. And after we met, we haven't really gotten on and tried to meet other people. But we were like, imagine if we both canceled, because we were both drained at that point. Also have a real conversation. Look, outside of work networking, if you're trying to build a community, which is what I was trying to do, which is also networking, what kind of friendship are you looking for? Be upfront about it. We were very upfront about I am looking for a real genuine connection. I want a real friendship. I'm not just looking to have a friend while I am in this area, or not just looking for somebody to go out to dinners with or coffee shops with. I would love to just sit at home and do absolutely nothing with. I was looking for that friend, and so was she. When you go in with a clear intention, it really helps. Then you're not wasting anyone's time. You're both clear, you don't go out walking from that situation, feeling rejected. At that point, hey, that we're just in different phase of life.

Dilshad 26:04

Yeah. Yeah. So being clear with who you are first and what you want, and not being ashamed or thinking that what you want is too much from the beginning could maybe potentially reduce the amount of effort that you make and the amount of back and forth you have to do with people, and then avoid that completely. It could or it couldn't. We never know. The world is changing every minute. That's really a good way of thinking that. Hello, my lovelies. I hope you enjoyed part two. Stay tuned for part three, where we deep dive into specific ways you can network, places set, and settings where you can network. And please enjoy Jill putting on her networking mentor hat and mentoring me through a recent experience that I had. Much love to you. See you soon.