Dilshad 0:02

Welcome to the Delicious Dignity Podcast. Let's settle in securely and ever so nicely into the brilliance of our own dignity. Hello, my lovelies. This is the third and final part of the networking, connection, and relationship series with Chiel. In this episode, we go over specific places set and setting for networking that you can consider to expand your network, to grow your network, but also to deepen it and enjoy the richness of these beautiful relationships that you will nurture and connect with over time. We are going to share with you some stories, some really fun stories. And also towards the end, Jeel is going to act as the glorious mentor for networking that she is. And I am going to act as a client. And she's going to give me her point of view with the recent situation that I had with regards to networking. So without further ado, I'm so excited to share this with you. Let's go to the episode. Which leads me to my next question, which is what methods of networking have you used? So you've used Bumble BFF, which is the friend version of Bumble. Yeah. What else have you used? I know we've talked about in-person big networking events. Instagram was another one you've used.

Jheel 1:32

This is so random. Didn't think I would do that. Yeah. I think this day and age, definitely use social media. Reach out. I've reached out to so many wonderful bloggers that I have loved their work and just followed them, whether recently or for a long time. And it's just a simple hey, I absolutely love what you're doing. I remember when I was in Chile, I was going to this restaurant, and I one of the food bloggers that I follow had posted like a week prior to I was going. And she was going to the same restaurant. And I was like, randomly, never spoken to her in my life before, just DM'd her and I was like, oh my God, I'm going there. Can you tell me how you like it? And she actually responded with her thoughts about the place. And I was like, I'll follow up with you when I go there. And we talked about it a little bit after that. Reach out. Again, you never know. Stop getting in your own way and just do it. But Instagram has been one place, a lot of social media platforms, but also try and find events around your neighborhoods or community that might be of an interest to you. Don't just go there because you're trying to meet somebody. Go there because you also care about whatever's happening. You'll probably meet somebody that you like. At least you will have something that you share. I've also met people through people a lot of times, or just go to a coffee shop, talk to the person next to you. Oh, one of my saddest things I see. And I think it's a US culture. We don't talk to people next to each other. I'm here with my person, and I don't want to hear anybody else. And the more and more I've traveled in Europe, especially, I talk to so many random people, just sitting in a coffee shop and getting to know their stories and sharing my story with them. It is so beautiful when you're just open to sharing a small part of you. It doesn't mean lay out your life in front of somebody, but just share a small part of you. Some of my most cherished memories from the travel are those little connections and those little meetings I had. Whether you ever see that person again or not, it's a memory tied to that travel. Sometimes it's purely just those small stories that were shared. I do that here as well. I brought that bit of the European culture with me. And if I sitting next to somebody at a coffee shop, I say hi. I take my headphones off and I talk to them if I'm by myself.

Dilshad 4:09

Yeah, and I think a good tip is to sit at the bar area. So if the coffee shop has a bar, sit at the bar. If a bar has a bar area, sit at the bar area. That makes it easy for you to talk to people. So that's a really cool tip. But then also, you just did this recently at a restaurant. You even networked with. I was just gonna say. Yeah, you actually networked with, yeah, but go ahead, you tell the story.

Jheel 4:31

Something that I think people should do. This has nothing to do with networking. This is just like something that I think everyone should experience are solo dinners. They are heavily underrated. Going back to one point that we were making earlier, right? Find yourself, truly ask yourself questions that are difficult and figure out who you are. And one of the best ways to do that is to go on solo dinners. They're very uncomfortable the first couple of times. You'll go, don't take a book, don't take headphones, put your phone away. Go as if there's somebody is sitting in front of you. Be one with the food, enjoy the food, savor those bites, and you're either gonna end up talking to the server, you're gonna end up talking to the chef, or you're gonna end up talking to the person next to you. I have countless stories of all three of them, but one of the most recent ones that Dosha was talking about is the one in Chicago. I had found this restaurant that I wanted to go check out, and I got a ping that they had a table open. I booked it, I went by myself. It's a really cute little quaint restaurant, and I was the only person in the entire restaurant who was by herself. There was a beautiful couple sitting next to me. And as the courses came in, we like, hey, just started talking to each other, got to know about each other's stories. I learned about their beautiful story of how they met, how they were on their very first trip together, all the things they had planned to do in Chicago. I shared my blog with them and she follows me on it. We just randomly write to each other when I post something, or if she posts something. Later that evening, I actually asked the chef as well. I was like, hey, if you have a few moments, would you like to, would you be open to a conversation? I would love to chat with you. And he was wonderful and sat down with me. I ended up having a 30-minute long conversation with him about what my dreams are, what I would love to do. He was on a very similar career path as I was and is now doing things that I could only dream about doing today, and got to have that connection. I think at one point, even the server came down with a bottle of wine and she's just let's just sit and chat. And we were just all chatting. And the only intention I had going into that dinner was I can't wait to try this food. That's it. I walked out with at least three beautiful, genuine connections. All because I decided to do a solo dinner and just be there and be open to any conversations that happened around me. So simple.

Dilshad 7:10

It really is so simple. I think solo dinners, because I was gonna ask you as like a final last question, any last tips and yeah, solo dinners, solo coffee shop dates with yourself. I do everything solo because that's how my life is set up. I really think that if you just are more open and you just set the intention to talk to people and don't block yourself off with headphones or books, like you said, and you're just there. You can have a book if you really wanted to. You're there, you're open. It signals an openness that other people are not used to seeing. And one of the things that you were talking about, just to go back, is if you don't flake and you're just open, you automatically stand out. You don't have to do much, actually, because you're doing the opposite of what other people do. So if you commit to your word, you're there, you stand out. If you're open without headphones, maybe with a book, maybe with the laptop that's on the side or whatever, you still automatically stand out. And it makes people more available to your energy. And I think this is a really solid tip to give people. Any other last pieces of advice you would recommend?

Jheel 8:19

Be your authentic self. It's the best version of you. I think it goes back to exactly what you're saying. You don't need to create a uniqueness. You are unique. There is nobody like you. People might share similar traits, but there's only one Dilshad, there's only one Jill. Can't replace that. Own it. Own the weird, quirky parts of you. That's what makes you unique, and that's what's gonna make you stand out. The things that you feel are uncomfortable about you are probably the things that people love about you the most. And it's something I've learned about myself through Dilshad, actually. All the weird things about me are the things that she loves about me. And Tilde'd find it weird, but yeah, I own it. I think over time I've owned a lot of those quirkiness. And that's what people like. That's where you'll find the most genuine connections. Last words, do it, just do it.

Dilshad 9:11

Yeah. I think the authenticity also comes even more into your being the more you hang out with other people. You learn about yourself more in a way through the eyes of someone else. And then that your authenticity combined with setting yourself up to be open to people and to be seen by them, people will always respect someone who respects their time. People will always want to talk to someone who hasn't blocked themselves out. Because you can be as unique and authentic as you like. But if you block yourself, as I think I did for a very long time, then you have this unique authentic self. And then nobody is benefiting from it. Nobody gets to see this, nobody gets to enjoy this. I think that combination is really great. To summarize what you said, it's just a combination of truly tapping into yourself, bringing out your authenticity a little bit more. Life is too short to be loved for someone you're not, and combine that with an openness to the people around you and to life in general. I think that's a super winning combination. Thank you, Teal. Where can people find you?

Jheel 10:18

You can find me in two different creative spaces. There's a small blog called monsoon.eats on Instagram, and then also the fun fashion blog that I was talking about. It's called Al Mari Kikahani, where we're trying to actually both the places where I'm trying to bring a lot of heritage kind of stories, either through food or fashion that I have experienced in my life or people that I connect with.

Dilshad 10:45

Yeah, you've combined food with fashion, with just a zest for life, with beauty. You've combined all of them and given it to us in this pretty little package. So everyone check her out. I'll put her links to her Instagrams in the description. Thank you so much for being on the show, Gill. Thank you for having me. I know we said goodbye already, but Gil and I just thought of something. And I would like Jill to play coach, therapist, mentor for networking mentor. If this was a title, I would like her to put that hat on and mentor me through this recent situation that I had with someone. There is a woman that I admire and I love her work. I love what she's done in Sedona. And I thought of inviting her onto the podcast because she has a lot of wisdom to offer, especially people who are starting their own businesses. And I asked her in person, we've been talking and just not talking, but just in between classes or during class, we'd have these mini little interactions. And I asked her, would you like to be a guest on the podcast? And she said, Oh yeah, I would love to do it. And I confirmed with her twice. And she said, Yes, I would love to do it. So I sent her an email with the full outline of the episode, much like I did with you, Jill. And I put it all together and I sent it to her. And this was a week ago. And I still haven't received any indication that she wants to be here, she wants to do this, anything like that. So now I'm old Dilshad, and I can feel old though. She's saying, Oh my God, she doesn't like my podcast. Maybe that's why she's not responding. Oh my God, she just doesn't want to do an episode with me. I hope I didn't offend her. I hope all these little thoughts. Okay. And I know that's the old version of me, so I'm not paying it much attention. New Dilshad is just sitting here and being like, I wonder what I should do next. With all that being said, Gio, how would you, as the networking mentor that you are in this situation, how would you guide me? Okay, let's be clear.

Jheel 12:47

I'm not one in real life, just playing that. If I was in your situation, one, I wouldn't really go around the rabbit hole of criticizing myself for anything or self-doubting. I have honestly stopped doing that a long time ago. You don't know what might have been going on in her life. There might be reasons she's unable to get to and give her that benefit of doubt. I would follow up and see, just want to put this on top of your inbox. I'm still very interested in doing the podcast as we discussed. Please let me know if the timeline we discussed still works for you. If not, is there another time and date that works better for you? I'm happy to move that. And if this is something you really want to do with her, then offer her an open calendar and see if there's a different time that works for her. You can also end it, maybe not right away. Maybe just do that follow-up. If she writes back, great, you can decide where that conversation goes from there. If not, I would close it out more for my own sake. You can send a next follow-up a week later or so, or a couple of days later. Don't be a nagging person. Don't send a follow-up every single day and be like, oh my God. But give somebody a few days, right, in between your follow-ups. And if you get no response again, just follow up and say, hey, I'm still open to having this discussion. Assuming there are reasons that we're unable to connect at this time. I hope everything is well. Please reach out to me if this is still of an interest and you walk away with grace.

Dilshad 14:29

See, what I love about that is that you talked about closing it out because so many of us keep that open and it's like a drain on our energy because we're still thinking about that all the time. It's always at the back of our mind. And with you closing it out, that's such a good tip. I knew I should do this with you because something would come out of it. And this is such a good tip. You close it out, you say, okay, thank you. And what that reminds me of is when I was pitching, oh my gosh, there's so many stories I can have you mentor people on, but maybe we should make this a series. But there's so many times, especially when you're in business, you're pitching to magazines for people to publish me and my work. So I was pitching a lot of magazines and sometimes they would not respond for a week, two weeks. And I was told by the pitch mentor at the time saying that I'm closing out this conversation. If I don't hear from you within the next X amount of days, I will assume that this is not a fit and I will take this work elsewhere. And she talked about that with pitching magazine articles, and you're saying the same thing with networking, and of course, not with those exact words, but that was actually a really good tip. Thank you so much.

Jheel 15:50

Yeah, you have to tailor it. It actually reminds me of a story not related to networking in the work space kind of way, but a personal space. And I use the same thought process even there. I had met somebody through Bumble. We met up several times, both even shared the same thoughts about hey, this is gonna be an amazing friendship. We are so excited. I genuinely thought that was gonna last a long time. Drop off the hat, this person disappears. I texted, no response. So one day I decided to close it from my end. Just wrote a short sweet text saying, Hey, I hope everything is well on your end. I hope there was nothing that was said by me that has offended you. If so, I'm extremely sorry. It was never meant to be that way. I hope everything goes well for you in life and hope we can connect again. To my surprise, she actually wrote back and I learned a little bit about why she had disconnected. But the end of that message from her was let's meet. I wrote back and it's been silent ever since. It's okay. Yeah, it was okay. I genuinely hope that she's okay. I hope everything in her life goes really well for her. Maybe that was the only time we were meant to spend in our lives together. You have to learn to move past that. Again, it's not a rejection, it has nothing to do with you. Trust me, 90% of the time. Actually, no, 99% of the time, it has nothing to do with you. Agreed. You just need to close that chapter for yourself so you can move on. And you can do that in a very graceful way.

Dilshad 17:36

Yeah, it's really about grace at the end of the day. And I think you do that so beautifully. I'm really glad we did this. I was like, oh, what's gonna come out of this story? But it's funny, but it took me years though. And I think being rejected so many times by different newspapers, different magazines, sometimes even Facebook groups have rejected me for some reason. And I think practicing the art of rejection is actually really good because you build an immunity to it. So now I don't even think of it as rejection. There's that quote online that says, it's not rejection, it's redirection.

Jheel 18:11

It's so true though. Look, rejection is part of life, it's gonna happen all the time in every aspect of your life. You need to find the tools that work for you in those situations. It's not that everything is not a rejection, though sometimes it genuinely is a rejection. And it's okay. It's good. Learn to deal with those rejections in the healthiest way that work for you. It's only gonna help you grow and know that it wasn't supposed to be the right fit for you at that time. Sometimes you will come back to that and you'll know why it didn't work out the first time. And sometimes it might redirect you, the quote says, into a direction that you that is better for you. But find the positives in all these scenarios. It's so easy to box you box down on all the negatives. I feel like it's a tendency that humans have. It's so easy to look at all the negatives in life. But the second you switch your mind to it and start looking at the positives, it's the only thing you'll start seeing. And it can take you places.

Dilshad 19:22

Yes, it can. Look at the places it's taken us to. Who knew? Who knew? Thank you again, Jill, for being on the show. We're finally going to end the show. Let's see if this actually this ending actually sticks. So thank you so much for being here, Jill. Thank you so much for having me. Well, my lovelies, what can I even tell you? Neither Jill nor I knew that we would have three episodes worth of things to say to you about networking. And I think by now we both realize, and I think even you realize, that it's uh not really about networking the way we've been traditionally taught. This is a skill that is future-proof. This is a way of being that is future-proof, and this is a way of just uh existing where uh your dignity can meet somebody else's dignity in a really loving and honoring way. And I think one of the best parts about this three-episode series is that you got to experience not just the tips and the content of what we talked about, but how our relationship is a product of networking, really, and what that looks like now ten years later. Isn't that amazing? And I really wanted you to experience that while we talked about networking. So I hope you really enjoyed these uh three episodes. Uh let me know in your reviews, let me know on Instagram what you thought of them. If you'd like more of this style of content, I would be more than happy to bring more guests on the show. So until next time, my lovelies, may each connection you make be the doorway to where dignity meets dignity, where both of you are honored and both of you can shine just a little bit brighter. Much love to you.